Last Updated on October 7, 2020 by Brittany
Ok Lady, are you sitting down for this one? There is a reason behind me using the word “exposed” in this post and for good reason! If you are here I am sure you want some solid effective life advice, right? If I told you everything you wanted to hear I would be doing you a disservice. So today we are going to get down to the nitty-gritty about why we as women find ourselves in the “who am I” trap. How do I know so much about this topic? Because I have been in this trap many times, and finally learned my lesson in order to teach you.
There can be many reasons we fall victim to feeling this way. Today we are going to expose what I deem to be the top 5 reasons this occurs. Buckle your seat belt because we are about to get REAL!
1.) You’re not invested in personal growth.
One of the biggest things to understand when asking the question “who am I?” is that in order to know that you’ve lost yourself you must know who you were in the first place, right? The only way to truly know who you are is by taking dedicated time to find out.
Personal growth gets thrown by the wayside way too often in my opinion. We seek validation from outside sources instead of investing in the Lady within.
Let me be the first to tell you…you will never find out who YOU are by comparing yourself with the attributes of others. You are one of a kind. Nobody in this world can be you, and that is your superpower. I think Gary V said it best…
It is imperative to take the time to become BFF’s with YOU. You were brought into this world as one unique human being. You were equipped and designed with things nobody else has in the entire world.
In order for you to know who you are, you must identify those things, and stay true to yourself. Life is not about beating yourself up for what you are not. It’s about loving yourself for who you were born to be. Stop wishing you were created with things someone else possesses.
Listen closely baby-girl…
You will never be happy pushing yourself to be something you’re not. There are skills in life you can obtain, and things you CAN become an expert in by training and practice. However, I’m talking about the God-given stuff. You don’t see fish trying to be land animals…they embrace the water because that’s how they were created.
2.) The opinions of others have you asking yourself “who am I?”
Ugh! If I could just take all the naysayers, and kindly tell them to worry about themselves I would do it 10 times over. It’s funny, (and sad) people will try to talk you out of who you know you are just to make themselves feel better. Life is like a crab pot people are always trying to pull you back in to get ahead. Which is why if you have true friends its a blessing.
The reason why it is 100% OK not to tell others about your dreams and goals is that they shouldn’t understand. Yep, you read that right, they should NOT understand. In fact, if you do tell someone your dreams and goals and they completely understand them then I’m 100% sure you are not following what is meant for you.
Note that there is a difference in someone understanding your dream completely and supporting your dream fully.
Think about it…How could anybody besides the one that created you actually know what you are capable of doing? It’s like asking someone to see things through a pair of glasses with your prescription. Those glasses weren’t made for them, only for you.
So don’t allow the opinions of others sway you in your convictions. You were meant to please your creator not them.
3.) You have allowed your career to define you.
There a few things I love to see more than a woman in a pair of pumps owning her career. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a fabulous career and getting satisfaction from it. However, you must never be so invested in a career that you forget who you are as a person.
I am a firm believer that you can have an outstanding career, and still keep your character in check. You don’t have to sacrifice who you are for an employer. One of the main reasons for this is because companies can get rid of you at any time. You have to be strong enough to realize your worth outside of a 9-5.
I can tell you this with full transparency because my family has been through numerous job losses in the past. This was awful at first until I stopped betting on others, and began betting on ME!
Look I have been there! When I chose to leave my financial management job for something with a better schedule I felt like I had slid all the way back down the totem pole. I mean I was the head honcho and Queen B for years and then just a “regular worker” as I deemed it. My gusto was gone! I felt I was worthless because of my current “title.”
Until I realized that nobody could tell me what my value was based on a job I chose. I was still a badass but just made a decision for my self-care. So just remember having a fulfilling career is awesome but it is not who you are its just what you do.
4.) You’ve given in to self-sacrifice.
This is where it starts to get a little hairy my dear. I told you in the beginning that we would discuss somethings that might strike a chord, and I think this is the main one. Self-sacrifice a lot of times has us as women saying “who am I?”
We are nurturers and as somebody who has a child and husband of my own, I understand wanting to take care of everyone. It’s tough! I mean you want a thriving relationship, a good family life, and possibly a career, and it requires a balancing act.
There are times when we must sacrifice the things we want for our priorities, and that is super important! However, even if you decide to quit your dream career to be a stay at home Mom or if you take a lower position to be a better wife you MUST not forget about YOU!
Food for thought…
How many times do see the Mom who never has time to put on anything besides yoga pants and her hair in a messy bun because he entire schedule is full of running the kids around to every place known to man.
Or the wife that stays in yellow rubber gloves with a broom in her hand because she must make sure every crumb is off the floor before her Hunny comes home?
Now doing these things is FINE. It’s just not allowing them to consume your entire day so that you don’t have time for you! Don’t spread yourself so thin where you begin to feel like you are living for others, and not yourself. When you make you a priority not only can you still be the Mom and wife you want to be, but you are better at it because you are taken care of too.
Have you ever heard the question about if a plane was crashing and a Mom and child were aboard? The questions asks who would put the oxygen mask on first? The answer is the Mom so she can take care of the child. Same goes here…you must take care of you before you can fully take care of others.
5.) You are asking “who am I?” because you are not being true to your calling.
I may be ruffling some feathers here! Guess what though I am all smiles because I always want to empower you to be your highest and best self! It is imperative that you are being true to who you are. It doesn’t matter what that is for you. If you love to cook..be that. If your passionate about law go for it, whatever it is that you want to do… be that.
This world is not made better by a whole bunch of people being things they hate. This world is made better by people being the things they were designed to be, and honoring their calling.
So, where do you fall in all of this? Have you had some AH-HA moments? If so let’s chat about it below drop a comment 🙂 Until next time Lady…
So Many Blessings,