Last Updated on September 1, 2020 by Brittany
This post brings back so many memories for me. I wish I could say they were all good however, I’d be fibbing if I said that. No matter what your path has been in life, and even if you haven’t experienced an unhealthy relationship (
this post will be the judge of that). At some point in your life, you have either been in one (like me) been a product of one (like me), or witnessed one (like me also). However, I am grateful for these experiences because it has shaped me into the person that I am, and has also given me the ability to help you! Some signs of an unhealthy relationship are obvious, but today we are going to talk about the signs you may not be aware of.
I also want to note that this post is not limited to just romantic partnerships. Relationships can be unhealthy with any person whether your Mom, Dad, kids, boss, the list goes on.
Now, I also want to be very clear that this is not something I read in a book. This something that I learned from personal experience, not from some sort of relationship counselor website (not that those aren’t great) I am sure that this post will shed light on some of the major signs you need to be on the lookout for, and how to recognize them right away!
1.) “It’s always your fault.” Is one of the major signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Whew, Huney! This one takes the cake! Let me be the first to say that it is NOT always your fault. This statement is a form of manipulation to get somebody to believe that their actions always deliver a negative result. If at first, you hear this an think “It is NOT always my fault.” this is the exact time when you need to nip this accusation in the bud!
The problem with hearing this type of thing over and over again is that eventually, you will start to believe it. Once you believe it it will affect all sorts of aspects in your life like your confidence and self-esteem. The person saying this to you is actually the one with the real confidence issue. It is a way for them to gain control over you.
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2.) The power of persuasion.
C’mon! We all at least KNOW a person that is always passively trying to get you to fall into THEIR plan for your life.
When I was a senior in high school I applied to a local college and was accepted. At the time I was like most (young and impressionable) and because of my family members telling me what I should major in, I ended up in the engineering field.
“Engineering is great.” they said…”Engineers make good money!” they said…needless to say, that didn’t last long. I mean really me Brittany the founder of Level up Lady, probably the most bubbly and positive PEOPLE person you’ll ever know in the engineering field?
Now there is NOTHING wrong with that field, and if you are an engineer YOU GO, GIRL! I am talking about allowing somebody else to persuade me into doing something that is not for me.
Now, this does not have to only pertain to major life changes like what college you should go to, what you should major in, or who you should marry (don’t get me started on that one!) but it is even in the little things like a boyfriend telling you to start wearing different outfits, or what shoes look best on you.
You can surely look good for your partner but don’t sacrifice who you are, EVER.
3.) You cannot grow personally.
Life is about growth, and if someone is getting in the way of you going to your next level that is unhealthy. Now, I am not saying that there aren’t times when you may take the night off to go on a date or have a brunch with a friend. However, what I am saying is that if they are a distraction from your goals on a consistent basis or are always saying things like “that business will never work.” or my favorite “you should just quit.” that is a NO-NO.
What is really happening here is that the person telling you these things is insecure. They KNOW that you can do amazing things. They are fearful that if you keep working toward your goals eventually you will not need them. They are the ones that need help not you.
4.) Trying to change someone is another one of the major signs of an unhealthy relationship.
I’ve had to learn this one the hard way, but eventually, I came to the understanding that not only is it NOT your job, but it is a waste of time trying to change someone else. People have to want to change, and that is the truth.
Besides, trying to change someone is absolutely exhausting, and will completely zap your energy if you let it. If you truly feel someone needs to change in order for the relationship to remain then communication is the answer. Tell the person what you need and if they don’t back it up with action consider dissolving the relationship. No one has the right to bring toxicity in your life, I don’t care WHO it is.
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5.) Boundaries don’t stop them.
Yep, their just always right on the boundary line. When they actually step over it, and you correct them they find a way to ease back over the line.
This can be with ANYTHING. Things like the number of texts they send, phone calls, what they say to others about you, volunteering you for things you didn’t agree to. The list goes on, and anyone you are in a relationship with should respect your boundaries. If they don’t something needs to change!
6.) Isolation is surely in the signs of an unhealthy relationship club.
It is to be expected that if you have a new whirlwind romance, or befriend someone that you enjoy being around you may spend more time with them than others. Although, it is great that you have a budding new relationship the other person should not keep you from anyone else you also value in your life.
In my experience isolation is a way for someone to gain control over you, and manipulate you in the “need” mindset. When you dedicate all of your time to one person you become dependent on them (which is what they want) it is a way for them to try to keep you and make you feel uneasy when they are not around.
In my opinion, this one right here just screams ” I Don’t Respect you at all!” Unfortunately, I have had my experience with this, and it is truly a tactic in any relationship that is unhealthy. If you are scratching your head thinking “how could this benefit anybody?” that is understandable. However, the truth is intentional humiliation is an easy way for someone to lower your self-esteem and confidence.
It can make you think things like “I will never find anyone better.” or “I deserve to be treated this way.” You never deserve to be treated this way, and it’s only a way to get control over your mind. Stand your ground!
8.) If they’re not adding they’re subtracting.
The heading says enough. Are they always bringing negativity or problems in your life? Does it seem that they have a cloud of bad news surrounding them all of the time? If they are not bringing anything good into your life, then what’s the point?
9.) Any type of abusive behavior.
I think this one is self-explanatory, and I won’t dive into it too deep because I feel that there are a lot of different factors surrounding abuse and why it may be challenging to make a change.
All I can say is that if you are experiencing any type of abuse whether physical, verbal, mental, baby girl you are too precious, and amazing to continue this way. Do whatever you need to do, to get YOU back, and live safely.
I know this post may shed light on some of the things we don’t want in our life. The good news is that once you have learned the signs of an unhealthy relationship it can make your future relationships better. It is also helpful to know that understanding these signs will help you demand what you expect out of relationships. You will tolerate less, and enjoy relationships that are respectful on both sides.
I hope these words have encouraged you to find your voice. You are worth having the right types of relationships, and love.
Until next time…
So Many Blessings,