Last Updated on December 3, 2020 by NPseo123
Let me be the first to say that failed relationships are though! I have had a few in my lifetime, and I am also a product of a broken home. I have experienced personally all of the effects of breakups not only emotionally, but mentally, and physically. As a woman, it can be incredibly difficult to balance tumultuous circumstances with other responsibilities like kids, and careers. On top of all of that learning how to regain your confidence is another hoop you must jump through (and an important one). However, somehow we are able to do it. Even though the outcome may seem bleak, over time, and by utilizing practical strategies (that I will share with you today) you can re-discover who you are and grow your confidence and self-esteem back up.
1.) Purge the anger and heal.
I have seen this one cripple someone with my own eyes. Even though this one seems like a no-brainer it is absolutely easier said than done. However, it is a necessity in order to move forward.
Having frustration, unforgiveness, and anger in your heart actually does more to hurt you than it ever will to the other parties involved.
It is important to be gentle with yourself and allow the purge of emotions to be apart of the healing process. You are never required to forget any of the heartache or bad breaks you have been dealt. Although, you are required to take personal responsibility for how you let those things affect you in the long run.
Divorce is never easy, and anyone that tells you it is is made of ice (in my opinion) It is a major life change, and a sudden catapult into an unknown world with many uncertainties.
Most likely you will experience many additional emotions other than the ones stated above, and releasing them all and giving yourself time to go through the process will certainly bring you out better than before.
2.) Keep in mind that the effects of divorce can be widespread.
This topic really hits home for me because I understand what it feels like to be indirectly affected by divorce.
Even though it may seem like this is only happening to you, and you’re in isolation this process can affect so many others. It is important to understand that everyone deals with pain differently.
You may have kids, in-laws, cousins, etc. all of which may have a relationship with both parties involved and maybe hurting. So even though you may feel alone rest assured that there are others experiencing your pain.
In times like this it is important to have tough conversations, and help each other work through the difficult thoughts and emotions that come with this circumstance.
Not only will this help you heal, but it will help you help others heal which will ignite your purpose, and give you joy.
3.) Remembering that divorce is a circumstance is a great way to help you understand how to regain your confidence.
Circumstances can be liars in the game of life. They make us believe that they are permanent however, they are actually a temporary state based on a specific event.
In my previous post-Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos, I talk about how cyclical life really is. The key to understanding here is that in order for circumstances to be permanent they must exist in a world that never changes.
Luckily for us, things are always changing around us (even if we don’t feel they are)
The point here is that we don’t need to try to change what’s going on around us, all we need to control is what is going on inside of us.
Circumstances are merely situations we may be dealing with at the current moment, they are not WHO we are.
Once you really begin to believe that, you will begin to regain an understanding of where your true self-esteem and confidence comes from.
It has nothing to do with what happens to you, but everything to do with what you do about what happens to you. This is key in learning how to regain your confidence after divorce.
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4.) Be open to new ways to learn and grow your confidence & self-esteem.
Growing yourself is crucial no matter what stage you are in, in life. Many times we feel as though we have learned all we need to know. However, there is always something life is trying to teach us.
Working on your confidence, and self-esteem not only helps you repair and rebuild after divorce. It gives you the courage to understand that you can truly make it through any obstacle that comes your way.
This is an empowering way to live!
Not being afraid of the what if’s or dealing with anxiety and fear of the future (Which I know all too well!)
I lived in a state just like that for many years, and it got me nowhere but being a nervous wreck that was on the verge of a breakdown.
Once you realize your strength and your ability, this will allow you to attack your future with confidence. It will make you unstoppable!
This is particularly intriguing because going through a divorce is a way to discover who you are as an individual again. If you were married for many years this may be very frightening at first. You need to give yourself the tools and build a skillset to be able to overcome this and live fully.
5.) Finding activities that play to your strengths is a great way to learn how to regain your confidence.
I KNOW you are good at something! Even if you feel you have to think hard to figure out what it is I know you are!
Whatever you identify that you’re good at does not have to be some extraordinary activity. It can be as simple as being a heck of a bowler! Or maybe you can knit like no one’s business. Whatever it is pinpoint it, and find a way to expand on it.
Join a league, a group, a challenge, a social club where you can showcase your skills.
Not only will this make you feel great about your abilities it will also put you around others that enjoy that activity too!
This is an opportunity for you to make new friends and build new relationships. Chances are your social circle is smaller right now (not that it needs to be huge!)
This will allow you to be around new faces that you can learn from or heck maybe they’ve been through what you are going through and can encourage you!
6.) No blaming just acceptance.
Life is way too short to live it looking through the rearview mirror. What’s done is done, and if you continue to replay your past it will certainly rob your future.
As Maya Angelou said ” When you know better you do better.”
You must approach life this way. Everything is a lesson, and sometimes the best lessons are painful. However, if you are still alive and breathing there is a purpose for you in this life.
Sometimes things are only meant to be for a season or (period of time) and then they are replaced by something else.
Many times what they are replaced with is even better than what was lost!
So, don’t rob your future self, by replaying old mistakes and hurts. You must learn to continue to move forward in spite of the mistakes and setbacks. This is the only way to truly enjoy what your future holds.
7.) Practice self-care.
There are so MANY misconceptions about what self-care truly is. Now, if you want to get you a foot soak, and pedicure go right ahead! (and YES that is considered a form of self-care). However, there are many other categories that fall under self-care as a whole.
I have an entire post dedicated to understanding the different categories You can find that post HERE
This will give you a better understanding of what to focus on to ensure you are managing all the levels of self-care.
8.) You deserve time.
I sure wish I could give you a magic pill, and tell you everything will be okay TOMORROW! Unfortunately, this isn’t how it goes.
Good things take time, healing from anything takes time. The length of time will vary depending on the person and your current coping skillset.
However, don’t rush yourself. Give yourself the time you need to be YOU again.
Sometimes in life, we are in a chapter that is all about rebuilding and repairing, and those chapters are just as important as the chapters we want most.
It takes dirt to grow flowers. Sometimes we need the dirty stuff thrown on us before we can see the beauty of it.
Don’t beat yourself up! It may take a month, a year, or a few years, but eventually, it will subside. Be encouraged that your future is bright and that you have so many great experiences ahead.
23 quotes about moving on that will help you learn how to regain your confidence.
- “The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
- “I think that power is the principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done.”
- “In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”
- “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
- “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
- “There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.”
- “It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on.”
- “When you let go, you are truly free.”
- “You’ve gotta know when it’s time to turn the page.”
- “Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”
- “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
- “Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.”
- “You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.”
- “That’s all you can do in this world, no matter how strong the current beats against you, or how heavy your burden, or how tragic your love story. You keep going.”
- “Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future.”
- “Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
- “Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
- “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
- “Change has to come for life to struggle forward.”
- “God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don’t run after them.”
- “The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.”
- “I demolish my bridges behind me… then there is no choice but to move forward”
- “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”
I am certain that by following these steps you will begin to learn how to regain your confidence after divorce.
Building your confidence and self-esteem is a process, but well worth the time it takes to do so.
You deserve to be happy and live the life you imagine. A life full of joy is one that is desired and completely attainable if you want it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. I hope the steps listed will encourage you to be excited about your future because it truly is bright.
How has this post helped you today? Comment below so we can continue to encourage one another.
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So Many Blessings.