Low self-esteem can be absolutely debilitating. I know this because I dealt with it for many years, and overcame it which is why I want to empower you to overcome it as well. Low self-esteem can really suck the happiness right out of your life on so many levels. Lady, you are far too amazing to let that happen so I felt the need to write a post about it so you can identify the signs, and make a change. In this post, I will talk about what causes low self-esteem and how to change it. It is time to get your confidence back!
So where did you lose it? The beginning of low self-esteem.
This is a great question to reflect on because if you once had a decent level of self-esteem, and then suddenly felt self-esteem was a thing of the past it’s time to do your homework.
You see things (for the most part) don’t happen suddenly. Success and failure in anything is an accumulation of the right or wrong choices over a substantial period of time. In this case, if you did not always have the low self-esteem bug recount the time when you had high self-esteem and think of the circumstances that led you down this path. Some suggestions for thought are.
- An abusive relationship.
- A string of disappointments.
- Financial problems.
- A failed relationship
- A negative response to failures.
- A job loss.
The list can go on and on, but you get the point. Once you identify what it is that is great! From that point on you can focus on the behaviors you associated with it, and pinpoint them so you don’t make those same mistakes again.
In a great article from Success.com they discuss the 5 Ds of low self-esteem which I will go into in further detail below.
The 5 Ds of low self-esteem.
I think this one speaks for itself. Doubting will surely erode your confidence which leads to low self-esteem. You see you gain confidence by being decisive. By trusting yourself enough to make the right decisions based on your thought process.
Doubting is also a two-edged sword. Not only can you doubt your decision-making process, but you can also doubt the positivity of certain outcomes. We have all either been that person on been around that person that doesn’t see the use in trying because “good things don’t happen for me anyway.”
This is such a poo poo attitude, and one that will have you thinking negatively about yourself, and your future in no time!
I am firm on the fact the “belief starts before beginning” ANYTHING. I mean really if you don’t believe then who is going to believe for you? You must be your own cheerleader, and I can assure if you don’t believe things will change or be different next time they won’t.
Whether you realize it or not the things you believe and think every second of every day are creating your reality. Want to know where you will be five years from now? Take an inventory of these things that are in your mind today.
In this life, it is your job to give yourself enough credit to believe things are possible. Each day you have two choices “evolve” or “repeat“
Ughhhh this one makes me cringe! I mean literally! Look, we live in a world where every day someone is trying to tear you down. You cannot be apart of that group too!
I mean think of all of the things in your life that you have overcome. Think of how you have arrived at this very moment right now. You are a pretty strong lady! You have got to give yourself some credit, and stop dismissing every great little step forward you take.
Yes! It is okay to accept compliments as truth, and also okay not to have to reciprocate with a compliment back in order to diminish the compliment you got in the first place.
It is your duty to become a good receiver and not feel led to give a response to kind words spoken to you.
You have amazing qualities! Embrace them, and know that that is the truth!
Now sometimes a discount is a great thing but not when we are talking about the good actions of our-self or others.
When we suffer from low self-esteem we tend to have the habit of making our accomplishments seem less than they actually are. Now there is a thin line with this one because we never want to seem arrogant. But it’s okay to celebrate your successes, be proud of them, and give them the credit they deserve!
Shout it from the rooftops, call a friend and brag on yourself. Make yourself proud of the things you have accomplished and overcome. You are a conqueror!
5.) Diminishing yourself against others.
There are many ways you can define this word, and at times it can be similar to discounting. However, in my opinion, to diminish something is to lower its value in comparison to something else you deem more valuable.
First of all, a comparison is an absolute waste of time. The only thing you should compare is what you accomplish vs what you are capable of accomplishing. You see this life is you against you thing it’s not the other way around. If you consistently compare yourself to others that alone will keep you in the low self-esteem zone.
Girl, you were made perfect in His image. Life is too short to wish you were someone else or have what someone else has. Embrace you for you! In all of your imperfections, you are magnificent!
Okay, so we talked about what leads to low self-esteem. Let’s talk about how to embrace the badass woman you are!
1.) Positive self-talk with affirmations will no doubt conquer low self-esteem.
Yes, I am telling you to walk around every day, and say really good things about yourself. You know why? Because studies have shown that if you say things repeatedly that at first, you don’t think to be true eventually you will.
I was watching a true story on a crime t.v network about a girl who was abducted when she was young. She spent three months in hell with her accuser and was trained daily to speak her name as something else. Eventually, she believed it to the point that when she was found (praise God) and they called out her actual name she was defensive and insisted it was not who she was…crazy right?
This goes to show that we can truly train our minds to believe the good things about ourselves. You can do it too however, you must be consistent. To start you off on the right foot I have included a link to my post below.
2.) Start embracing failure as a good thing!
Failure for sure can have a negative impact on our self-esteem. Low self-esteem is deeply connected to life events. However, you must know that failure is a major part of life.
When you expect failure and embrace it you are no longer in bondage to it. You will not allow it to have a negative impact on your beliefs therefore, not allowing you to be changed by it.
The more losses you have in life the closer you are to some major wins so be thankful for failures and know that you will be stronger once you come out on the other side.
3.) Change your belief system.
Now this one is easier said than done, and sometimes it requires the involvement of a third party, but trust me it is worth it! I really don’t think we realize how much of an impact our mind has on our life. I mean think about it everything starts there. Heck, when I just told you to think about it you had to use your mind right?
So, when I say it is powerful I mean it! And it is up to you to let go of those limiting beliefs and negative beliefs to get the other side. You owe to yourself to live a life of high self-esteem but you will have a tough time getting there if you don’t master this step. See my latest post on limiting beliefs!
4.) Self-belief comes from finishing.
There is so much power in finishing what you start and it shows a firm belief in one’s own capabilities. I promise that you will never get to the promise land if you start things and stop when the going gets tough.
Here is the truth, Expect the going to get tough because it does for everyone. Struggles are meant to make you not break you, and you must push through the fire and rise like a Pheonix to see what is on the other side.
Say if you are overweight and you resist the food temptations and are consistent with the gym. Inevitably you will lose weight an drop a few pants sizes right?
think about how much that would boost your self-esteem! You put your mind to something and you finished what you started!
Now this is a great tactic but does require goals. trust me it’s worth it!
5.) Self care kicks low self-esteem in the tush!
Take care of yourself! This does not just mean your body although, it is important. You are made up of mind, body, and spirit each of which needs to be nurtured and cared for. Here are some ways you can practice self-care.
- Spend time alone
- Read a book
- take a bubble bath
- Take pride in your appearance
- Eat healthily
- Set goals
- Set a schedule
- Mani and Pedi
- Tap a nap
- Sleep in
- Social media break
It’s time to take your life back. I believe in you!
So Many Blessings,